We are the Snyder family and ... we are different

This is the story of our journey to our daughter in Ethiopia. God is preparing our family for her and preparing her heart to come home to her family. We chose the difficult road of trusting and obeying God. It is worth every step!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

guarded

It has been a while since I last posted because I haven't felt like there is much to report. Well there still isn't. While others are well on their way to transferring over to the Ethiopia program, we still wait for our official approval. We haven't been able to meet with our homestudy agency yet and all the other paperwork that I can do right now is out of my hands. So for now I am unexcited about where we are in the process. Talking to a new friend of mine who is adopting from the Ukraine made me realize some of the reason for my lack of enthusiasm, eventhough it was not a subject we talked about but it was something that came to mind in the midst of our conversation. I have not let the wall around my heart come down to accept Ethiopia.

Dustin and I are still mending our wounds and guarded against the possibility of something else happening in our adoption. I realize that God has given us Ethiopia as part of his plan and that's why it took so long with some of our other paperwork. If we had gotten our paperwork done sooner than we would have made the cut off date for Rwanda. God is leading us this direction, but I refuse to let myself get my hopes up about it so I don't get hurt again. A fellow blogger who uses the same agency as we do and has now switched over to Ethiopia posted about how fast God is working now because she asked Him to. The bible tells us to ask confidently and God will answer our prayers. I tried to pray last night but knew it was futile because my prayers were not said confidently and with conviction. They started out with "I want" and they were followed up with a feeling of doubt. What if God does not answer my prayer? So far I haven't found any strong signs that Ethiopia is where we are supposed to be. Nothing has happened to make me say that this is the clear path we are supposed to be on. I know that Rwanda was just a clue to lead us to adoption and clearly that was not meant to be, but where is my sign that Ethiopia is definitely where we are supposed to be? Where are my unexplained miracles that guide us to Ethiopia?

An adoptive mother at church told me that she has a good feeling about Ethiopia. She had also told me numerous times before while we were in the Rwanda program about her family having to switch countries and how it turned out to be the best. Maybe God is using her to tell me Ethiopia is the place our little girl will come from. Maybe God is using her to encourage my heart so I can be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Maybe I need to let go of this questioning and just let God do what He does best. Maybe God is telling me that I'm not ready yet and I need to continue to wait. Maybe...

4 comments:

Mel said...

Megan, you know what I'm going to say... it's God's timing, not ours... hehe Ok, so I know how HARD it is to hear that, you know what I've been through! God is going to show you right where He wants you to be, and He understands the doubts, and the fears that we have, He did, afterall, make us human. :) Be still and know...

Olson Family said...

Megan, I totally understand the uncertainty of switching from Rwanda to Ethiopia. We felt the same way! It's so hard to understand sometimes which way God is leading us. We continue to listen to His still small voice and still think about all the babies in Rwanda in need of loving homes. However, I know that the babies of Ethiopia have the same need. I really thought God was telling us to adopt from Rwanda, but in reality He was telling us just 'ADOPT'! Although it's hard to understand after feeling the connection to Rwanda, He truly has a plan for all of us. We are confidant that the blessings of His plan will far outweigh the waiting, disappointment, uncertainty, etc. that goes along with the process of adoption! We will keep you in our prayers!!!

Olson Family said...
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Kelli said...

My heart is guarded also. I understand. Praying for you

kelli